Monday, April 5, 2010

Losing my Marbles - Rachel

This evening I have found myself hurriedly attempting to take a blog-worthy photo and get it posted. I missed yesterday's posting and have been feeling anxious about it all day; yet I haven't had the gift of time. I find myself busy with family and work obligations (don't we all?) and while I could clearly hear my camera calling me I found myself unable to answer its pleas for attention. I drove past some amazing vistas: Just washed views of Mt. Diablo crowned in cirrus clouds and golden light, wildflowers of the field waving and beckoning, a city in silhouette backlit by a glorious sunset, and yet I drove on knowing that the task at hand was calling and I could ill afford the momentary stop which would turn into twenty minutes, forty minutes, an hour.
As I sat at my computer "building" the online portion of the class I begin teaching tomorrow I could feel the clock speeding along, the hands chanting to me "another day without a post".
I ask myself will this be like the time I missed my time at the gym once, then for a week and now for months? Sure I dabble now and then, turning on an exercise video and going through the motions, but I'm not dedicating myself to the task and my continued absence making it still easier not to go than to face my regression.
In the spirit of honoring my committment to myself I have forced myself to take a moment, seek out a subject at home which could be lit and photographed and give myself over to the creation of a posting. I may be losing my marbles, but at least you'll know where to spot them!

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